Day Thirty One – Goodnight and Hello

Last night, as I wrote my “Day Thirty of my 30 Day Vow of Silence”, something dawned on me.  “Day 30….”  This was my final day. I laughed at the subtlety of words.  My vow was for 30 Days during the month of July. Most, including myself had assumed I had one more days left, as the month of July has 31 days.  I realized last night as I finished my final silent blog…I’m done. 

What a blessing!  So many people have been asking me what my first words would be, and in truth I was not looking forward to the expectations, questions, and pressure I was going to have beginning the morning of August 1^st.  To realize, that my vow is over, a day earlier than most expect….well, now I get to choose when and how I break silence with the many beautiful spirits in my community.

The hour was late, when I finished typing last night.  I was over at my friend Karina’s house, getting ready to watch a movie.  During the movie, I kept glancing over at the clock…when midnight hit, I remained silent.  For another hour or so, I continued without words.  Then, once the movie had been turned off, and we had lain down to sleep,  I softly whispered, “Good night.”

There was a pause, and then suddenly she looked up.  “Did you…did I just hear…why are you speaking!?”  I smiled, and simply said, “Thirty Days complete.”

The day continued with the enjoyment of surprising people with words.  It feels wonderful to see people’s excitement, and to be heard.  I realize as I reflect on my time in silence…there is a marked difference in who I am with voice, and who I am without voice.

My voice carries the energy of my confidence.  It carries my wisdom, and my desire to share and learn.  I must admit, my excitement about speaking is much more because I’m anxious to give a lecture in spoken words…to flow freely with my expression, and speak the inspirations that come to me in that moment.  My voice has a distinct personality that was missing in much of my written communications.

In silence, I played the role of a sponge…listening, learning, silently observing the world around me.  I felt very much like a child; exploring the world for the first time…again. 

I’m happy to have my voice back, and at the same time, I’m hesitant to use it.  I realize there will be a pendulum period, as I bring what I’ve learned in silence into practice with what I am used to in speech.  In these first couple of days, I may share a lot of what has been waiting for expression, and then I’ll be silent again for short periods.  Eventually, a middle ground will be reached.  This is my destination and focus.  This is Right Speech.