Darshana Atman

Day Thirty One – Goodnight and Hello

Darshana Atman — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:55:00 GMT

Last night, as I wrote my “Day Thirty of my 30 Day Vow of Silence”, something dawned on me. “Day 30….” This was my final day. I laughed at the subtlety of words. My vow was for 30 Days during the month of July. Most, including myself had assumed I had one more days left, as the month of July has 31 days. I realized last night as I finished my final silent blog…I’m done.

What a blessing! So many people have been asking me what my first words would be, and in truth I was not looking forward to the expectations, questions, and pressure I was going to have beginning the morning of August 1^st. To realize, that my vow is over, a day earlier than most expect….well, now I get to choose when and how I break silence with the many beautiful spirits in my community.

The hour was late, when I finished typing last night. I was over at my friend Karina’s house, getting ready to watch a movie. During the movie, I kept glancing over at the clock…when midnight hit, I remained silent. For another hour or so, I continued without words. Then, once the movie had been turned off, and we had lain down to sleep, I softly whispered, “Good night.”

There was a pause, and then suddenly she looked up. “Did you…did I just hear…why are you speaking!?” I smiled, and simply said, “Thirty Days complete.”

The day continued with the enjoyment of surprising people with words. It feels wonderful to see people’s excitement, and to be heard. I realize as I reflect on my time in silence…there is a marked difference in who I am with voice, and who I am without voice.

My voice carries the energy of my confidence. It carries my wisdom, and my desire to share and learn. I must admit, my excitement about speaking is much more because I’m anxious to give a lecture in spoken words…to flow freely with my expression, and speak the inspirations that come to me in that moment. My voice has a distinct personality that was missing in much of my written communications.

In silence, I played the role of a sponge…listening, learning, silently observing the world around me. I felt very much like a child; exploring the world for the first time…again.

I’m happy to have my voice back, and at the same time, I’m hesitant to use it. I realize there will be a pendulum period, as I bring what I’ve learned in silence into practice with what I am used to in speech. In these first couple of days, I may share a lot of what has been waiting for expression, and then I’ll be silent again for short periods. Eventually, a middle ground will be reached. This is my destination and focus. This is Right Speech.

Day Thirty of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Wow, that sounds Different

Darshana Atman — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:24:00 GMT

Having to write things down to communicate tends to reveal some things. One, it reveals what words I find are significant enough to write down. It also holds me accountable for what I’ve said…it’s on paper…I can be held to it. And on a more reflective note, it reveals my intentions.

For instance, I was “talking” today using my laptop to communicate via typing. And a picture reminded me of a story about a person who was greatly inspired by my words and by my actions with my Center. I began telling the story, typing it all out. As I did, the thought kept running through my min, “This sounds like I’m just bragging.”

In spoken word, I would have used inflection, and volume to create a sense of humility while telling this story, making it more of an inspirational story, than a boastful accolade. And yet, as I continued writing, I realized that the truth of the matter was, written or spoken, the intent of this story was indeed to share a moment where I felt special. I was bragging!

How often do we hide our true intentions through tricks of spoken word? How often are you aware of your true intentions? It does not mean you judge yourself. It simply means you are aware of why you are expressing certain things. Might it be beneficial if when expressing anger, I could be aware that my words are coming from anger? Might it be beneficial when expressing gratitude, that I’m really aware of what I’m grateful for? Amazing how having to take the time to write it down, gave me the pause to hear my own words differently. “Wow, that sounds different.” I keep thinking as I write down thoughts that seemed so different when spoken in my mind.

Day Twenty Nine of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Project Silent Peace

Darshana Atman — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:20:00 GMT

The San Diego Silent Meetup Group has been launched!

Project Silent Peace, an inspired initiative from my 30 Day Practice of Silence, is now live and growing. The intent is to cultivate the benefits of being in silence, and to inspire a million people to go silent one day every month.

You can join the group, which will be having regular meetings twice a month at http://spirituality.meetup.com/425/ . Our first meeting is this Saturday, August 2^nd at 10:00 on the beach in Encinitas. Check the link for details.

In these last couple of days of my vow of silence, I find myself becoming comfortable trusting my intuition, trusting the Universe, and trusting myself. I wonder how this will change when I can speak again. Not having the ability to ask for things, has given me the gift of receiving them unconditionally. Will this continue when I can speak? One thing is for sure, I can finally call tech support on some website account issues.

Day Twenty Eight of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – New Transportation

Darshana Atman — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:44:00 GMT

For the past 2-3 months, I’ve been driving my sisters car, as she moved up to San Francisco. She has decided to sell it, so as of today, my means of transportation have changed.

I had a wonderfully meditative walk down to the trolley station, and picked my bicycle up from my Mom’s. I’m looking forward to traveling by foot and bicycle. There is a freedom in it and a feeling of being part of my surroundings, instead of trapped within a metal box.

Funny thing about walking is…a lot of people say hi when walking by…I can only nod in response. I do with it a big smile though.

Day Twenty Seven of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Dinner Conversation

Darshana Atman — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:42:00 GMT

Twelve days ago, I went out on a Silent Date. Since then, my silent date has evolved into a developing relationship. I’m happy to say, Karina and I have been on many more dates, movie nights, and dinners.

Today, I was invited to join her and some of her close friends (who have dubbed me Silent Bob) to eat at a Thai restaurant in La Jolla. This was sure to be interesting, as I knew they had many questions of the mime Karina was getting involved with.

At first I wasn’t very social, as I did not want to be writing notes in my journal and passing it around the table to communicate. Then Karina had a great idea, use the tablemat. The table was covered with a white thick paper, instead of a tablecloth. Perfect. Karina took out a selection of pens and colors for me to use, so I could express fully my thoughts.

Communicating became a group effort. I would write near the center of the table, and either someone would read it out loud for the rest, or people would begin guessing where my sentencing were going and finish my thoughts for me. Each time, I picked up a pen, the whole table would go quiet, and all attention would be on what I was writing. When the food came out and filled up all my communication space…I felt interrupted. J

By the end of the meal, I noticed that everyone had picked up a pen at some point, and privately “chatted” with the person next to them, or doodled a creative little picture. The dinner was great, and the conversation was even better.

Day Twenty Six of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Letting the Universe Unfold

Darshana Atman — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:40:00 GMT

I woke up early this morning, and began the long drive to LA to join up with the selfcentered Tour and participate in the last couple days of an Awareness Architect training. The training was being held in someone’s home in Torrance. I had estimated about a two hour travel time. My estimation was way over. I arrived an hour early, at around 7:30 a.m.

I knew the rest of the crew was not showing up until around 9, but I didn’t want to sit in my car that whole time. That inner voice said, “Go ahead, go knock on the door, all will unfold.”

I got my things together, and went to the door. The house was big, and I realized knocking was not going to do the trick, and instead of a door bell there was an intercom. Inner voice tells me, “press the intercom button”…my mind immediately thinks, “ok, silent guy’s going to speak on an intercom...this is going to be interesting.”

There was no answer, I started walking back to my car, then stopped in the driveway and stood for a moment. Suddenly, I hear from an upstairs window, “Hey, you’re at the right place my friend, but we don’t start for another hour.” I nod in acknowledgement, and continue smiling up at the gentlemen in the window. “You want to come in and wait inside?” he asks. I nod yes.

I’m happy I’m getting inside, and I’m also wondering how I get to ask about a bathroom to wash up in, if I can make some oatmeal in the kitchen, and where I might set my laptop up for internet access.

He opens the door, introducing himself. I smile, shaking his hand, and show him my journal in which I’d written, “I’m in Silent practice.” He nods, and leads me in. Without having to request anything…he gives me a tour of the house. First he shows me where the bathroom is, then the kitchen (pointing out where I can get instant hot water – perfect for oatmeal), then shows me the training room. I put my things down in there, and pull out my laptop. He immediately asks, “Are you going to want to go online…let me get the code for you.”

No words, no gestures, just presence. Be Present and the Universe unfolds before you.

Day Twenty Five of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Visited by many Sprites

Darshana Atman — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:01:00 GMT

Administrative note: These blogs are now being posted on Facebook, just look under Darshana Atman.

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I’ve got to admit, each time I stay at the Artist’s Nest, the following day is filled with magic and joy. I awoke, and immediately began working on my Silent on Silence Workshop. As I sat there on the couch with my laptop, silently creating my lecture, one of the Artists comes to me and silently hands me a small fruit smoothie to begin my morning. The gifts continue like this throughout the day. Without words, people, like little fairy sprites, offer me healthy snacks, hugs, turn on inspirational music, etc. I begin to realize the dedication this home has to unconditional Service.

Upon finishing preparation for the lecture, I packed up and headed for the beach. My intuition said go straight to the beach, my stomach said, “No, go eat something.” I listened to my intuition. I’m learning. I had some peaches with me, and carried them down to the sand. I found a nice spot and took a seat. The beach was crowded…a good challenge for meditation. I took out one peach and happily satisfied the immediate cravings of my stomach. A few deep breaths later, my eyes closed and I was quickly moving inward in meditation.

Time passed, I’m not sure how much. A thought arose suddenly, it said, “Open your Eyes” so I did. At that very moment, one of my friends, Jai Zeta, from the Artist’s Nest was passing by. He smiled, walked over, and quietly sat next to me. We went back into meditation. Ten minutes or so later, I opened my eyes, and found he had as well. I handed him a peach, bowed silently, stood and left. The entire scene to those sitting around us on the beach must have been very strange and yet very magical at the same time.

The time had come for Silent Challenge #9, my 2 hour workshop on Silence, given in silence. I arrived to the Yoga Yurt and set the space. People began to arrive, and I smiled at each. Some I knew, others looked familiar, and some I was happy to meet for the first time.

Day Twenty Four of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – The Silence is Spreading

Darshana Atman — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:03:00 GMT

It begins with One, then Two, then Three, and suddenly the world is Silently Listening…to one another. Not listening to words or noise, but to Presence, feeling, and joy.

I am getting word that others are joining me now on this silent journey. I have two friends going on camping trip in silence, there is a possibility that an entire yoga studio staff may take a week of silence, and I’ve been asked to perform as a Mime in an independent film being written by a friend at the Artist’s Nest.

Are you feeling the itch to go Silent yet? The Silent Meetup group has been opened. Feel free to join, experience in silence not necessary, just willingness. You can join by going to http://spirituality.meetup.com/425/

Day Twenty Three of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Blogs Lost to the Ethers

Darshana Atman — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:50:00 GMT

There is a practice made by Zen monks in which they create these elaborate and beautiful sand mandala’s, and when the entire image is complete, after days of detailed work, they wipe it all away…impermanence.

This is how I felt today, when I logged into the selfCentered site to post my daily blogs. I noticed the updates that had been made to the site, and enjoyed the new layout and interface. When, I got to my blogs…they were nowhere to be found. In the birth of the revised site, my blogs were lost to the Ethers.

I took a deep breath. Back on Day Thirteen, I stopped backing the blogs up. A curious memory of intuition whispered, “You should have listened to that feeling that said, back these ups.”

Alas, I did not. And yet, this digital world is filled with many tricks of programming. Just like all the redundancies in our minds and thoughts, there is redundancy in data storage. The blogs have been restored, with a little fancy copy/pasting. Phew. Impermanence has not reached me yet, although the lesson has.

Day Twenty Two of my 30 Day Vow of Silence – Clear Intention

Darshana Atman — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:39:00 GMT

I was speaking with my Mom yesterday, and she was expressing concern about my housing situation. As many of you know, I’ve been wandering these last few months like a nomad from house to house, traveling, and preparing myself to settle in somewhere.

My Mom was offering for me to stay at her place. I declined, making the very strong statement, “Stop worrying, housing is available when I choose it.”

I made the statement with strong and clear intention. No doubts, just pure confidence. And as I'm not speaking, I made it as a written promise. Well, today, I was contacted by a couple of friends. They both were asking if I wanted to stay at their place while they were out of town. I could pick up keys immediately.

Wow, the power of clear intention. Try it out. Write down a statement with the utmost confidence of its truth. Don't just pretend or hope. Know that what you intend will manifest.